Shifti - User contributions [en]

Monkey Business

2008-03-11T04:31:10Z

Boss Hoss:

[[Category:Paradise]] [[Category:Story]] [[Category:Boss Hoss]]
{{universe|Paradise}}
{{byline|title= Monkey Business|author=Boss Hoss|user=Boss Hoss}}

November, 2007

Allen Fields, (BraveHoss, or just "Hoss" to the online world, but still depressingly human otherwise) had been having a great day, he was home for the week of Thanksgiving, straight from a midwest furcon. Only a holiday can cure post-con depression for him at least, that or a transformation, but there were no such cases outside of a certain day in August so far, so it aint' happening on demand for him. 
Ah well...

Several days into the visit, Hoss needed some supplies and ended up going to the local Wallyworld with a list of other things from his Mom to pick up. There's always "One last thing.." at Thanksgiving it seems. Hoss hmmed pleasantly as he browsed the jewelry section looking for a replacement watchband, when he smelled musty fur. He looked around as inconspicuously as possible and spotted a.. Well it was some kind of monkey. Spider monkey maybe? Long and lean like a scarecrow, the bagginess of the pants and starter jacket made all the more extreme by the physique.

He would normally have said hello and slipped him a card for the websites, but something seemed wrong as the monkey nonchalantly leaned back against the counter, arms crossed before him, looking up at the cameras. 
When he moved farther down the counter, several of the bracelets on the countertop display were now missing from their boxes. Hoss moved around like he was still looking at the displays, but keeping an eye on the monkey. *Ooooh that damn dirty ape!* he thought as several watches disappeared. The primate turned a bit and he could see the missing articles threaded on the tail like beads, then swung deftly up under the jacket to help bear the weight. 
He groaned inwardly, thinking fast *Oh Sweet Epona! He's not even looking at the people! He knows the mundanes cant' see an invisible tail! -And anything on it either, thanks to the RDF. Looks like I'm the only one who can do anything at all too. Looks like I finally have a use for this human body after all. I guess Chim-Chim hasnt' met any of the other changed or been to the websites either, otherwise he would know there are a bare handfull of us normal looking folk who could suddenly see him this year. Too bad for HIM!* he chuckled inwardly.

He sighed as he examined his options. Telling security was out as they couldnt' see the loot, would even think he was crazy, and if it turned out the monkey was a minority, possibly get him in trouble for racisim and "false" accusations. No, got to catch him red handed and in the act of leaving with the loot. *Sometimes I hate being the responsible citizen. Okay you crazy aliens, Why didnt' you save every loser and oxygen thief for the last round of changes, huh?* Not expecting an answer to his thoughts, he went on with the plan.

Cautiously, Hoss shadowed the monkey, which was being made easier than he imagined by the overconfident thief. "Chim-Chim" nonchalauntly watched the camera domes above, but no one around him. He continued for several minutes, picking up small objects on his tailtip and sliding up under the jacket to push them further up the tail. At last, he unfolded his scrawny arms and picked up a 20 oz. cola at the checkout, paying for it as cover. 
Hoss moved down to a closed register and went through, walking on into the game room by the entrance. 
Here he waited and watched... Finally the monkey came around to the exit and stopped near the RFID* tag detectors and read the display signs for the new videos and games covering them up. *Uh oh... I've heard of this move...* 
Sure enough, along came a lady with an overloaded cart. Hoss was already on the move in his blind spot when the monkey took a step through the tag detector just as the lady went through... 
The automated alarm blared out, making everyone else freeze a moment as the automated voice told everyone to return to the store to be checked over. The greeter went right to the lady with the overloaded cart, already turning with a foot-long recept tape in hand. Hoss barely noticed though as he caught up to the monkey, walking casually to the outer
door. Hoss grabbed the tail root poking up into the jacket with his right hand and yanked '''HARD'''! 
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Perfect! To the camera angle, it looks like I just grabbed the jacket itself!*

The monkey shrieked in pain and the loot went scattering over the floor of the vestibule in a gleaming clatter. Hoss grabbed the jacket with his other hand, whispering "I... '''''see''''' ... you!" as the greeter and a guard came rushing over. 
As the words sunk in through the shock and pain, the monkey went berserk, backhanding Hoss across the nose and sending his glasses flying! The monkey shrieked and squealed, jumping up to use the doorframe as a swingbar to get above the guard and greeter as they tried to sandwich the monkey. His vision flashing in spots, Hoss jumped forward over the falling duo as the monkey released. Grasping hands grabbed a handfull of pantsleg, sending the monkey to the cement facefirst!

The dazed monkey was still trying to kick Hoss in the face and wriggle out of the pants when the guard pounced on top. The primate ooofed as the wind was knocked out of him, then again when the greeter landed on top of the pile. Hoss blinked then laughed as he found he was holding the pants down around the ankle, exposing that "he" was really a "she". "Ohh, if this is what I think, you are going to be soooo poplular where you are going..." 
The guard laughed, seeing something only the RDF could show "Yeah, with that dong, he'll be the belle of the ball!" 
It took several minutes for Hoss to stop laughing hysterically, spurred on each time the dazed thief squeaked out ''"Stop laughing at meee!"''

Later, when he was giving his statement while his bloody nose was being tended to, Hoss was asked "..So, why didnt' you contact security when you saw the thief stuffing things under his jacket?" Hoss took a deep breath, ready at last. At least he had seen a mugshot earlier, taken pre-change, on the monitor of the police cruser while they asked the inital questions. "In this litiginous day and age? All he had to do was drop it behind a display, make it a "he said-she said" thing, and make me out to be the ogre picking on him for looking shifty and grungy. This way I had him red-handed, and no guards or greeters would be fired for taking the intitiative on shoplifters... as has happened so much this past year at other Wallyworld stores in the news. Win-Win for the forces of good over bean-counters and evil!"

Several days later, the store manager called him at his parents. "I wanted to thank you personally. It turns out this perp was "Freddy the Finger", from out-of-state. We've been trying to stop this shoplift leak for far too long now, but didnt' know who the perp was exactly. He was bad before when he came up from Louisiana, but he ''really'' ramped up over a year ago since.. oh, August of last year. They just found thousands of dollars of merchandise in his apartment, and we're looking for a female accomplace too, considering all the stolen feminine hygene products in his bathroom. A tag-team approach could be how we missed him all year."

"Anyway, I heard your glasses were damaged. Corporate be dammned, you are getting a reward. Come down to the store and you'll get a couple new pair from our optometry lab, and I'll even give you a fully loaded gift/cash card for the store, all on my dime. Thank you so very much, Mr. Fields!"

Hoss sat down on his mom's couch, stunned. Sure, there would be several grueling months of statements, questions, and being grilled on a witness stand by a shady lawyer. But the reward was proof that sometimes, someone does the right thing and the good deed goes unpunished. The excitement and reward was a very good cure for post-con depression. 
Almost as good as a transformation would be. 
...Almost!

(and just so there's no confusion by some international readers)
<nowiki>*</nowiki> RFID tag, small disposable chips that emit a radio pulse when hit with the right frequency of microwaves or radio. Used extensively in retail stores to stop shoplifters.

Monkey Business

2008-02-25T06:02:07Z

Boss Hoss:

[[Category:Paradise]] [[Category:Story]] [[Category:Boss Hoss]]
{{universe|Paradise}}
{{byline|title= Monkey Business|author=Boss Hoss|user=Boss Hoss}}

November, 2007

Allen Fields, (BraveHoss, or just "Hoss" to the online world, but still depressingly human otherwise) had been having a great day, he was home for the week of Thanksgiving, straight from a midwest furcon. Only a holiday can cure post-con depression for him at least, that or a transformation, but there were no such cases outside of a certain day in August so far, so it aint' happening on demand for him. 
Ah well...

Several days into the visit, Hoss needed some supplies and ended up going to the local Wallyworld with a list of other things from his Mom to pick up. There's always "One last thing.." at Thanksgiving it seems. Hoss hmmed pleasantly as he browsed the jewelry section looking for a replacement watchband, when he smelled musty fur. He looked around as inconspicuously as possible and spotted a.. Well it was some kind of monkey. Spider monkey maybe? Long and lean like a scarecrow, the bagginess of the pants and starter jacket made all the more extreme by the physique.

He would normally have said hello and slipped him a card for the websites, but something seemed wrong as the monkey nonchalantly leaned back against the counter, arms crossed before him, looking up at the cameras. 
When he moved farther down the counter, several of the bracelets on the countertop display were now missing from their boxes. Hoss moved around like he was still looking at the displays, but keeping an eye on the monkey. *Ooooh that damn dirty ape!* he thought as several watches disappeared. The primate turned a bit and he could see the missing articles threaded on the tail like beads, then swung deftly up under the jacket to help bear the weight. 
He groaned inwardly, thinking fast *Oh Sweet Epona! He's not even looking at the people! He knows the mundanes cant' see an invisible tail! -And anything on it either, thanks to the RDF. Looks like I'm the only one who can do anything at all too. Looks like I finally have a use for this human body after all. I guess Chim-Chim hasnt' met any of the other changed or been to the websites either, otherwise he would know there are a bare handfull of us normal looking folk who could suddenly see him this year. Too bad for HIM!* he chuckled inwardly.

He sighed as he examined his options. Telling security was out as they couldnt' see the loot, would even think he was crazy, and if it turned out the monkey was a minority, possibly get him in trouble for racisim and "false" accusations. No, got to catch him red handed and in the act of leaving with the loot. *Sometimes I hate being the responsible citizen. Okay you crazy aliens, Why didnt' you save every loser and oxygen thief for the last round of changes, huh?* Not expecting an answer to his thoughts, he went on with the plan.

Cautiously, Hoss shadowed the monkey, which was being made easier than he imagined by the overconfident thief. "Chim-Chim" nonchalauntly watched the camera domes above, but no one around him. He continued for several minutes, picking up small objects on his tailtip and sliding up under the jacket to push them further up the tail. At last, he unfolded his scrawny arms and picked up a 20 oz. cola at the checkout, paying for it as cover. 
Hoss moved down to a closed register and went through, walking on into the game room by the entrance. 
Here he waited and watched... Finally the monkey came around to the exit and stopped near the RFD* tag detectors and read the display signs for the new videos and games covering them up. *Uh oh... I've heard of this move...* 
Sure enough, along came a lady with an overloaded cart. Hoss was already on the move in his blind spot when the monkey took a step through the tag detector just as the lady went through... 
The automated alarm blared out, making everyone else freeze a moment as the automated voice told everyone to return to the store to be checked over. The greeter went right to the lady with the overloaded cart, already turning with a foot-long recept tape in hand. Hoss barely noticed though as he caught up to the monkey, walking casually to the outer
door. Hoss grabbed the tail root poking up into the jacket with his right hand and yanked '''HARD'''! 
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Perfect! To the camera angle, it looks like I just grabbed the jacket itself!*

The monkey shrieked in pain and the loot went scattering over the floor of the vestibule in a gleaming clatter. Hoss grabbed the jacket with his other hand, whispering "I... '''''see''''' ... you!" as the greeter and a guard came rushing over. 
As the words sunk in through the shock and pain, the monkey went berserk, backhanding Hoss across the nose and sending his glasses flying! The monkey shrieked and squealed, jumping up to use the doorframe as a swingbar to get above the guard and greeter as they tried to sandwich the monkey. His vision flashing in spots, Hoss jumped forward over the falling duo as the monkey released. Grasping hands grabbed a handfull of pantsleg, sending the monkey to the cement facefirst!

The dazed monkey was still trying to kick Hoss in the face and wriggle out of the pants when the guard pounced on top. The primate ooofed as the wind was knocked out of him, then again when the greeter landed on top of the pile. Hoss blinked then laughed as he found he was holding the pants down around the ankle, exposing that "he" was really a "she". "Ohh, if this is what I think, you are going to be soooo poplular where you are going..." 
The guard laughed, seeing something only the RDF could show "Yeah, with that dong, he'll be the belle of the ball!" 
It took several minutes for Hoss to stop laughing hysterically, spurred on each time the dazed thief squeaked out ''"Stop laughing at meee!"''

Later, when he was giving his statement while his bloody nose was being tended to, Hoss was asked "..So, why didnt' you contact security when you saw the thief stuffing things under his jacket?" Hoss took a deep breath, ready at last. At least he had seen a mugshot earlier, taken pre-change, on the monitor of the police cruser while they asked the inital questions. "In this litiginous day and age? All he had to do was drop it behind a display, make it a "he said-she said" thing, and make me out to be the ogre picking on him for looking shifty and grungy. This way I had him red-handed, and no guards or greeters would be fired for taking the intitiative on shoplifters... as has happened so much this past year at other Wallyworld stores in the news. Win-Win for the forces of good over bean-counters and evil!"

Several days later, the store manager called him at his parents. "I wanted to thank you personally. It turns out this perp was "Freddy the Finger", from out-of-state. We've been trying to stop this shoplift leak for far too long now, but didnt' know who the perp was exactly. He was bad before when he came up from Louisiana, but he ''really'' ramped up over a year ago since.. oh, August of last year. They just found thousands of dollars of merchandise in his apartment, and we're looking for a female accomplace too, considering all the stolen feminine hygene products in his bathroom. A tag-team approach could be how we missed him all year."

"Anyway, I heard your glasses were damaged. Corporate be dammned, you are getting a reward. Come down to the store and you'll get a couple new pair from our optometry lab, and I'll even give you a fully loaded gift/cash card for the store, all on my dime. Thank you so very much, Mr. Fields!"

Hoss sat down on his mom's couch, stunned. Sure, there would be several grueling months of statements, questions, and being grilled on a witness stand by a shady lawyer. But the reward was proof that sometimes, someone does the right thing and the good deed goes unpunished. The excitement and reward was a very good cure for post-con depression. 
Almost as good as a transformation would be. 
...Almost!

(and just so there's no confusion by some international readers)
<nowiki>*</nowiki> RFD tag, small disposable chips that emit a radio pulse when hit with the right frequency of microwaves or radio. Used extensively in retail stores to stop shoplifters.

Traveller

2008-02-25T05:06:55Z

Boss Hoss: Reincarnation story. One of my earliest works, now years old but still getting good reviews, and worthy of being archived here.

[[Category:Story]] [[Category:Boss Hoss]]
{{byline|name=Boss Hoss|user=Boss Hoss}}

This world is not mine... 
It never has, 
it never will be. 

Memories fill me from before my birth, of worlds where
animals walk upright as humans do, worlds that have
never known the bare-skinned offspring of chimps.
Others where they weren't special chosen to be the
sole stewards of that world's unevolved species, but
in equal partnership with evolved versions of those
animals.

I have been a dire wolf barbarian, helping my tribe
fight our version of the Romans. Brothers in Arms with
cave and polar bears, Fierce Sabertooths, Aurochis,
Irish Deer... All pushing the boundaries of a world
empire back. Meeting the pony tribes of the steppes as
our allies...

I have been Shanna, Lynx sex-goddess and entertainer
to a world of fairly high tech furs that practically
worshiped me. I am a merciless opponent to slavery,
seeing friends die after being captured and smuggled
outcountry. The skins of slavers decorated my room. 
Maybe it is best I do not quite remember how I died in
my prime...

I have been a nameless slave, my memories carried over
to Shanna's life and were awakened by the deaths of
her friends as slaves. I was less than nothing,
treated like a beast to work to death, except when the
masters needed their desires quenched in my ravaged
kithole. 
I fed the master's animals when I died...

I was a Whitetail buck on a beautiful medium tech
world. I lived a good life with my wives, raised our
fawns well, and died happy, Beloved of my entire
family. 
My house still stands strong...

I was a stallion, and warlord of my nation. I did
things I was not proud of, and sickened me to my soul.
All to keep my nation alive in the face of its
enemies. I had any mare, or any fem I wanted, yet
always felt alone because I never let go the horror
of my office to love them as they deserved. 
I died holding my guts in, crying for my mare...

I was a gentle mare. Who I am, or what I did must have
been far back in the lineup, or unimportant for I do
not remember much now. I may even have been a normal
four-legger horse. 
I only know I died happy...

I have been so many furs, I cannot remember them all,
yet they each have left their mark on who I am. I have
been male and female so many times, sex with either
appeals to me. I have been predator and prey, warrior
and mother, master, then slave.

I am a stallion, genetically created by men to walk as
they. I know I have an important destiny on the worlds
of furries to protect the innocent from rapacious
conquest. As before when waiting to become a new life,
My soul is imprinted with the knowledge of what animal
I am to be, and some sense of my destiny. 
Something is wrong. 
My body is not a horse's. 
I have too many fingers. 
I have no tail, no muzzle, no elegant ears. 
My bare-skinned parents are concerned it takes me
until three years of age to teach me to RUN as a
two-legger does, instead of four-footing whenever I
needed to be somewhere fast. 
Something in me says this development is completely
normal. 
I ask my mom what happened to my tail. 
I stare constantly at the stranger in the mirror,
confused that he acts like me, yet has no fur, no
tail, no muzzle. 
When the humans play their dominance games, I treat
them as a horse does alone with carnivorous apes. 
School is a running battle. 
I will not be tamed. I am wild... 
I cringe when I see myself in the mirror. Memories of
who I've been haunt me. This hairless freak cannot be
me! 
I want him to disappear! He is the illusion, not me! 
I try to use the powers gifted to me in the past to
leave this world or to change into anything. Even a
simple horse with no human memory would be better. I
fail repeatedly. 

I find I can astrally visit other worlds. 
I find others like me who have animals for souls who
point the way to worlds for me with their art, making
the way easier. 
I find I can dreamwalk after some tips from true
masters of the gift. 
I am more comfortable with what I am, now that I know
I am not alone, but wonder why I am here in this body.

I had a vision from Coyote. what does he want with me?

He spoke to other furs too, odd... 
Is there to be a grand joke on humanity only furries
will enjoy? 
I only know I will be going to the world I was to have
been born on when I leave this world and body. 
I am tired, and want to go home. 

This world is not mine...and can never be.

But I now have hope!

User talk:Boss Hoss

2008-02-22T05:36:40Z

Boss Hoss:

Welcome to Shifti, Boss Hoss! :) If there are any questions you have about anything, just ask and I'll be glad to help out. I notice, BTW, that "Boss Hoss" isn't taken (you can get a list of all users at [[Special:Listusers]]). If you prefer to ditch the "1" you could still grab that one instead. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 23:13, 20 February 2008 (EST)

Hey, Hoss. Are you trying to add a new story? Please start on ''your own userpage'' instead of the Paradise Category page. Refer to [[Help:Posting stories]] for a howto. --[[User:JonBuck|Buck]] 23:13, 20 February 2008 (EST)

:Heh, I was just coming to suggest that. The link to your userpage is up in the upper right corner of every page, between the little person icon and the link that reads "my talk". That'll take you to [[User:Boss Hoss1]], which is your own personal canvas to craft a homepage on. Don't worry too much about stumbling around a bit while learning, though, cleaning up is easy to do. :) [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 23:22, 20 February 2008 (EST)

Oh, I should ask, are you planning to do anything more with the page "[[this is a test]]?" If not, I'll go and delete that. You've already spotted [[Shifti:Sandbox]], if you want to do more practice that's probably a better place for it. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 00:33, 21 February 2008 (EST)

::I dont plan on doing anything more with "This is a Test", Thanks. Would there be any special problems with switching over to Boss Hoss since I finally managed to post?--[[User:Boss Hoss1|Boss Hoss1]] 01:37, 21 February 2008 (EST)

:::No problem, just sign up for a new account under the "Boss Hoss" name and I'll move over everything that needs to be moved over. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 01:41, 21 February 2008 (EST)

:::There, I think that's everything. [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 00:24, 22 February 2008 (EST)

==Forcing line breaks inside paragraphs==

I've noticed in both of your stories now that you appear to want to structure the paragraphs with line breaks, but it's not working since the wiki markup parser groups everything into plain paragraphs. You can use HTML to fix this; simply stick "<nowiki> </nowiki>" at the end of each line where there's supposed to be a line break inside a paragraph. Would you like me to take a stab at doing this for your two existing stories? [[User:Bryan|Bryan]] 00:31, 22 February 2008 (EST)

:I just noticed that with Traveller. Go ahead and try with Monkey Business, and I'll use edit to see how it looks in-use. I used a lot of line breaks in Traveller and it's probably best I do it. Thanks --[[User:Boss Hoss|Boss Hoss]] 00:36, 22 February 2008 (EST)

Traveller

2008-02-22T05:20:42Z

Boss Hoss: A reincarnation work years old now, but still getting favorable reviews. Now it's time to archive it here.

The Traveller
by BOSS HOSS

This world is not mine...
It never has,
it never will be.
Memories fill me from before my birth, of worlds where
animals walk upright as humans do, worlds that have
never known the bare-skinned offspring of chimps.
Others where they weren't special chosen to be the
sole stewards of that world's unevolved species, but
in equal partnership with evolved versions of those
animals.

I have been a dire wolf barbarian, helping my tribe
fight our version of the Romans. Brothers in Arms with
cave and polar bears, Fierce Sabertooths, Aurochis,
Irish Deer..all pushing the boundaries of a world
empire back. Meeting the pony tribes of the steppes as
our allies...

I have been Shanna, Lynx sex-goddess and entertainer
to a world of fairly high tech furs that practically
worshiped me. I am a merceless opponent to slavery,
seeing friends die after being captured and smuggled
outcountry. The skins of slavers decorated my room.
Maybe it is best I do not quite remember how I died in
my prime...

I have been a nameless slave, my memories carried over
to Shanna's life and were awakened by the deaths of
her friends as slaves. I was less than nothing,
treated like a beast to work to death, except when the
masters needed their desires quenched in my ravaged
kithole.
I fed the master's animals when I died...

I was a Whitetail buck on a beautiful medium tech
world. I lived a good life with my wives, raised our
fawns well, and died happy, Beloved of my entire
family.
My house still stands strong...

I was a stallion, and warlord of my nation. I did
things I was not proud of, and sickened me to my soul.
All to keep my nation alive in the face of its
enemies. I had any mare, or any fem I wanted, yet
always felt alone because I never let go the horror
of my office to love them as they deserved.
I died holding my guts in, crying for my mare...

I was a gentle mare. Who I am, or what I did must have
been far back in the lineup, or unimportant for I do
not remeber much now. I may even have been a normal
four-legger horse.
I only know I died happy...

I have been so many furs, I cannot remember them all,
yet they each have left their mark on who I am. I have
been male and female so many times, sex with either
appeals to me. I have been predator and prey, warrior
and mother, master, then slave.

I am a stallion, genetically created by men to walk as
they. I know I have an important destiny on the worlds
of furries to protect the innocent from rapacious
conquest. As before when waiting to become a new life,
My soul is imprinted with the knowledge of what animal
I am to be, and some sense of my destiny.
Something is wrong.
My body is not a horse's.
I have too many fingers.
I have no tail, no muzzle, no elegant ears.
My bare-skinned parents are concerned it takes me
until three years of age to teach me to RUN as a
two-legger does, instead of four-footing whenever I
needed to be somewhere fast.
Something in me says this development is completely
normal.
I ask my mom what happened to my tail.
I stare constantly at the stranger in the mirror,
confused that he acts like me, yet has no fur, no
tail, no muzzle.
When the humans play their dominance games, I treat
them as a horse does alone with carnivorous apes.
School is a running battle.
I will not be tamed. I am wild...
I cringe when I see myself in the mirror. Memories of
who I've been haunt me. This hairless freak cannot be
me!
I want him to disappear! He is the illusion, not me!
I try to use the powers gifted to me in the past to
leave this world or to change into anything. Even a
simple horse with no human memory would be better. I
fail repeatedly.
I find I can astrally visit other worlds.
I find others like me who have animals for souls who
point the way to worlds for me with their art, making
the way easier.
I find I can dreamwalk after some tips from true
masters of the gift.
I am more comfortable with what I am, now that I know
I am not alone, but wonder why I am here in this body.

I had a vision from Coyote. what does he want with me?

He spoke to other furs too, odd...
Is there to be a grand joke on humanity only furries
will enjoy?
I only know I will be going to the world I was to have
been born on when I leave this world and body.
I am tired, and want to go home.

This world is not mine...and can never be.

But I now have hope!

User:Boss Hoss

2008-02-22T05:12:36Z

Boss Hoss: New page: Traveller

[[Traveller]]