The Strength in the Shark: Difference between revisions

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     Author: Lloyd Brunnel  
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   {{#ifeq: Lloyd Brunnel | |
     Author: Lloyd |
     Author: Lloyd  
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     Authors: Lloyd Brunnel 
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     Authors: Lloyd |
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Icon	This story is a work in progress.

Icon	Constructive criticism and in-depth critiques are welcome

It was an idyllic summer day; the sun was shining, the breeze was light, and the sky was cloudless. I should have been out enjoying the wonderful afternoon, but instead I was inside the Pig and Whistle sitting on a cushion and nursing a grape soda while trying to salvage some shred of self-esteem.

Last night I had run into a giant shark morph, gotten scared, and ran away. The reaction was understandable—I was a fox slightly larger than a housecat, and he was, quite simply, HUGE, almost a foot taller than Scott—but I still felt ashamed when I thought about it. I don’t usually lose control over my instincts like that, but I guess last night I just… slipped up.

My self-depreciation was interrupted when a voice called out, “Hey there little guy.”

I turned my head and was surprised to see the shark morph I had been pounding myself over crouching nearby. Was he talking to me?

“It’s alright—I won’t hurt you.” The shark continued, in what I imagined to be the closest thing his resonating voice could get to a soothing tone. I continued to stare and he held out a webbed hand—a gesture I recognized as a way to show animals you don’t mean them harm. Great; first he scares me into my instincts and now he thinks I’m a wild animal. This guy was not good for my self-esteem.

I had a very strong desire to yell at him for his ignorance, but I suppressed the urge and instead I got up and slowly walked over to his outstretched hand—my anger tempered by the fact that it would be unwise to make conflict with someone eight times my size. Playing along, I gave his hand a curious sniff. No surprise—it smelled like salty fish.

“There we go!” The shark said happily when it became apparent I wasn’t about to run away. “I’m Jimbari by the way, and you’re—” his eyes flicked to my collar, “Jonas, right?”

I nodded absently and he scratched me behind the ear, smiling as I gave a pleased growl. All I had to do was go along with it and he’d probably go away… or try to make me a pet.

“See? I’m not such a bad guy after all—nothing to be scared of.” Jimbari continued. “And I’m sorry if I frightened you the other day.”

I gave another growl of acknowledgement and he grinned even wider—I averted my eyes away from his razor-sharp teeth.

“Thanks man.” He said with a chuckle, motioning towards the window he added, “It’s a great day out, want to go to the park and play fetch or something?”

Alright, that does it!

“I. Am. Not. A. Dog!” I barked.

Jimbari pulled back in surprise. “Ack!—you can talk?”

“Yes!” I snapped.

“I didn’t think—that is I didn’t… know and—I mean,” He spluttered, blushing a dark grey, “why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“Because I thought playing along would make you go away.”

“I just—” Jimbari began, but I cut him off.

“You just what? Thought that since I looked like an animal I didn’t have a mind?” I shouted, my anger rising. “It’s bad enough that I lost control over my instincts but I do NOT need someone like you making it worse by patronizing me like a common house pet!”

I fell silent; continuing to berate him would just increase the risk of losing my voice. Besides, we were starting to attract stares.

Jimbari hung his head, thoroughly embarrassed. An awkward silence passed.

“I’m sorry.” He said at last. “I’ve never really met a fullmorph before and people say they got all the instincts and I dunno… I just sort of didn’t think it through.”

“No, you certainly didn’t.” I replied coolly.

“I guess I was just so focused on what you thought of me that I didn’t think about what I thought of you.”

I looked at him quizzically. “What I… thought of you?”

He nodded. “Strangers get scared when they see me—can’t blame them I guess, looking how I do, but it sucks. You’re the tenth person I’ve freaked out this week and I just couldn’t handle someone else thinking I’m a monster.”

I sighed, it was getting harder and harder to stay mad at this guy. “It’s alright; I guess we both messed up.”

Jimbari looked up at me. “Really?”

“Really.”

He gave another smile—this time one of relief. “Thanks man. And I am sorry for treating you like an animal.” I nodded. “And I’m sorry for venting at you. Just… be more careful in the future, ok?”

The shark got to his feet. “Definitely. I’ll see you around I guess?”

“Sure.”

Jimbari gave a small wave goodbye and headed for the door. I went back to my pillow and soda. He seemed nice enough, I guess, and I felt a bit embarrassed for yelling at him.

The Strength in the Shark: Difference between revisions

Lloyd Brunnel (talk | contribs)

Revision as of 14:10, 19 August 2009

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@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{Universe|Pig and Whistle}}{{byline|user=Lloyd Brunnel|author=Lloyd}} {{WIP}}
+{{Universe|Pig and Whistle}}{{byline|user=Lloyd Brunnel|author=Lloyd}} {{WIP}} {{Critique requested}}
-It was an idyllic summer day; the sun was shining, the breeze was light, and the sky was cloudless. I was, of course, where any self-respecting fox would be on a day like this—the Pig and Whistle. Ever since my rather “explosive” introduction to the bar I had discovered that there were very few ways in which to better spend a lazy Saturday afternoon than curled up on a pillow with a bowl of grape soda; the sunbeam warming my fur was just a bonus.
+It was an idyllic summer day; the sun was shining, the breeze was light, and the sky was cloudless. I should have been out enjoying the wonderful afternoon, but instead I was inside the Pig and Whistle sitting on a cushion and nursing a grape soda while trying to salvage some shred of self-esteem.
-My lounging was interrupted however, by a voice that called out, “Hey there little guy.”
+Last night I had run into a giant shark morph, gotten scared, and ran away. The reaction was understandable—I was a fox slightly larger than a housecat, and he was, quite simply, HUGE, almost a foot taller than Scott—but I still felt ashamed when I thought about it. I don’t usually lose control over my instincts like that, but I guess last night I just… slipped up.
-I turned my head and was surprised to see the giant shark-morph I had run into two days ago crouching nearby. Was he talking to me?
+My self-depreciation was interrupted when a voice called out, “Hey there little guy.”
-“It’s alright—I won’t hurt you.” The shark continued, in what I imagined to be the closest thing his resonating voice could get to a soothing tone. I continued to stare and he held out a webbed hand—a gesture I recognized as a way to show animals you don’t mean them harm.
+I turned my head and was surprised to see the shark morph I had been pounding myself over crouching nearby. Was he talking to me?
-On the one paw, I was interested in playing along to see where the shark was trying to go with this. On the other, I wanted to berate him for his ignorance; and on yet another I was curious to see what he would do if I just continued to stare. Since I was in a good mood, I chose the first option. I got up and slowly walked over to his outstretched hand and gave it a cautious sniff. No surprise—it smelled like salty fish.
+“It’s alright—I won’t hurt you.” The shark continued, in what I imagined to be the closest thing his resonating voice could get to a soothing tone. I continued to stare and he held out a webbed hand—a gesture I recognized as a way to show animals you don’t mean them harm. Great; first he scares me into my instincts and now he thinks I’m a wild animal. This guy was not good for my self-esteem.
-“There we go!” He said happily when it became apparent I wasn’t about to run away. “I’m Jimbari by the way, and you’re—” his eyes flicked to my collar, “Jonas, right?”
+I had a very strong desire to yell at him for his ignorance, but I suppressed the urge and instead I got up and slowly walked over to his outstretched hand—my anger tempered by the fact that it would be unwise to make conflict with someone eight times my size. Playing along, I gave his hand a curious sniff. No surprise—it smelled like salty fish.
-I nodded absently and he scratched me behind the ear, smiling as I gave a pleased (involuntary) growl. What was he trying to do exactly?
+“There we go!” The shark said happily when it became apparent I wasn’t about to run away. “I’m Jimbari by the way, and you’re—” his eyes flicked to my collar, “Jonas, right?”
-“See? I’m not such a bad guy after all—nothing to be scared of.” He continued. “And I’m sorry if I frightened you the other day.”
+I nodded absently and he scratched me behind the ear, smiling as I gave a pleased growl. All I had to do was go along with it and he’d probably go away… or try to make me a pet.
-“Oh, is that what this is about?” I said finally.
+“See? I’m not such a bad guy after all—nothing to be scared of.” Jimbari continued. “And I’m sorry if I frightened you the other day.”
-Jimbari pulled his hand back in surprise. “Ack!—you can talk?”
+I gave another growl of acknowledgement and he grinned even wider—I averted my eyes away from his razor-sharp teeth.
-“Among other things, yea.”
+“Thanks man.” He said with a chuckle, motioning towards the window he added, “It’s a great day out, want to go to the park and play fetch or something?”
+Alright, that does it!
+“I. Am. Not. A. Dog!” I barked.
+Jimbari pulled back in surprise. “Ack!—you can talk?”
+“Yes!” I snapped.
 “I didn’t think—that is I didn’t… know and—I mean,” He spluttered, blushing a dark grey, “why didn’t you say something earlier?”
-“I wanted to know what you were trying to do.”
+“Because I thought playing along would make you go away.”
-Jimbari was now thoroughly embarrassed—I had to feel sorry for the guy.
+“I just—” Jimbari began, but I cut him off.
-“If it makes you feel any better, all you really did was startle me on Thursday. I tend to startle easily in crowds—cat-like canine, y’know?” I said consolingly.
+“You just what? Thought that since I looked like an animal I didn’t have a mind?” I shouted, my anger rising. “It’s bad enough that I lost control over my instincts but I do '''NOT''' need someone like you making it worse by patronizing me like a common house pet!”
-“Yea… I guess.” He mumbled. “I feel like such an ''idiot'' though! I’ve never really met a fullmorph before and people say they got all the instincts and I dunno… I just sort of didn’t think it through. God you must be pissed—think I’m a bigot or something.”
+I fell silent; continuing to berate him would just increase the risk of losing my voice. Besides, we were starting to attract stares.
-I sighed. “I’m amused and slightly annoyed, but not upset.”
+Jimbari hung his head, thoroughly embarrassed. An awkward silence passed.
-Jimbari looked up at me. “Really?”
+“I’m sorry.” He said at last. “I’ve never really met a fullmorph before and people say they got all the instincts and I dunno… I just sort of didn’t think it through.”
+“No, you certainly didn’t.” I replied coolly.
+“I guess I was just so focused on what you thought of me that I didn’t think about what I thought of you.”
-“Really. The whole ‘looks like a duck’ thing is a good principle under most circumstances and it is true that fullers can get hit harder on the instincts than others. Just… be more careful in the future next time, ok?”
+I looked at him quizzically. “What I… thought of you?”
-He gave another smile—this time one of relief. “Thanks man. You’re real understanding you know that?”
+He nodded. “Strangers get scared when they see me—can’t blame them I guess, looking how I do, but it sucks. You’re the tenth person I’ve freaked out this week and I just couldn’t handle someone else thinking I’m a monster.”
-“I have to be.” I said with a shrug. “There’s over a thousand years of folklore, stories, and Disney movies shaping people’s perception of animals and I can’t get upset every time people confuse reality with fiction.”
+I sighed, it was getting harder and harder to stay mad at this guy. “It’s alright; I guess we both messed up.”
-“Does that happen often?” Jimbari asked.
+Jimbari looked up at me. “Really?”
-“Every now and then. There’s this Japanese guy who sometimes comes to the bakery I work at—keeps calling me kitsune. It’s irritating but I just have to bear with it. Not like I’m above misconceptions either anyway—Gordy may have just gotten some muscle and a head change but some days I think he should be in a labyrinth.”
+“Really.”
-The shark got to his feet. “Strangely enough, that makes me feel better. Thanks.”
+He gave another smile—this time one of relief. “Thanks man. And I am sorry for treating you like an animal.”
+I nodded. “And I’m sorry for venting at you. Just… be more careful in the future, ok?”
-“My pleasure. I’ll see you around I guess?”
+The shark got to his feet. “Definitely. I’ll see you around I guess?”
 “Sure.”
-Jimbari gave a small wave goodbye and headed for the door. I went back to my pillow and soda. He seemed nice enough, but as I nestled back down in my sunbeam I couldn’t help but appreciate the irony of someone so concerned with how other people see him being so oblivious.
+Jimbari gave a small wave goodbye and headed for the door. I went back to my pillow and soda. He seemed nice enough, I guess, and I felt a bit embarrassed for yelling at him.
 [[Category:Pig and Whistle|Strength in the Shark, The]] [[Category:Lloyd Brunnel|Strength in the Shark, The]]  {{fiction}} [[Category:Story|Strength in the Shark, The]] [[Category:Fox|Strength in the Shark, The]] [[Category:Animal|Strength in the Shark, The]] [[Category:Aquatic|Strength in the Shark, The]] [[Category:Anthropomorphic|Strength in the Shark, The]]

The Strength in the Shark: Difference between revisions

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