Talk:Not Quite Furry: Difference between revisions
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. Alveric | Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. Alveric | ||
I was quite impressed by this, I'm a sucker for this kind of story but it was well written and there were no errors serious enough to break the flow. On a broad critique I would say that the story declines as you get further through, the mental change to the POV character is intentionally confusing so that works, but still is hard to follow. Also the story kind of just... ends, without much build-up or finality. The drama worked up until then but once the story begins to wrap up it evaporated to become rather choppy and contrived (as much as any story about a six foot ferret can be serious ;)). | |||
It's a good TF story. But if you wanted to work on it some more I'd suggest putting some significant event at the end, or ending at the personalities merging and focusing on that. For example, having the personalities split and have to work together to [blank] would work well, or having some big show down as they realise each other's existence. It really needed to run a little longer to a climax to properly finish off a nice story. | |||
--[[User:Fibio|Fibio]] 23:16, 5 February 2011 (UTC) | |||
Revision as of 18:16, 5 February 2011
Great. I really enjoyed this. The manic ferrityness especially. Sorry, this is more of a fan letter than a critique. Alveric
I was quite impressed by this, I'm a sucker for this kind of story but it was well written and there were no errors serious enough to break the flow. On a broad critique I would say that the story declines as you get further through, the mental change to the POV character is intentionally confusing so that works, but still is hard to follow. Also the story kind of just... ends, without much build-up or finality. The drama worked up until then but once the story begins to wrap up it evaporated to become rather choppy and contrived (as much as any story about a six foot ferret can be serious ;)).
It's a good TF story. But if you wanted to work on it some more I'd suggest putting some significant event at the end, or ending at the personalities merging and focusing on that. For example, having the personalities split and have to work together to [blank] would work well, or having some big show down as they realise each other's existence. It really needed to run a little longer to a climax to properly finish off a nice story. --Fibio 23:16, 5 February 2011 (UTC)