User talk:Nikon/The Saransk Adventures

While the story is certainlly interesting, and I can understand you wanting to end the story where you do. I think that the characters accept things a little too easily, and accept their roles a little too easily, without suggesting they they're mentally changed in any way for those roles. And while 'being drafted to save the world' is a typical fantasy element, I think that having the mage summon them, give them some equipment then leave feels a bit too, 'there, now go along.'

Your premise is interesting, and the concept is entertaining. But you need to work on your character reactions. Just some advice.

-- Alex Warlorn 01st 03 2008