User talk:Robotech Master/Kaylee Anny

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Notes on the DC

“How many species do they plan on bringing into the world for this war of theirs? So far they’ve got deer, elk, horses, cougars, lions, bison, raccoons, and birds. Birds are even worse. Why bother with them when everyone can fly?” the second-eldest RIDE continued. Once his test program completed, the number of RIDE species had exploded as the Nextus engineers were permitted to try anything and everything.
“Who’d have thought that the second eldest of us could be so crass?” Frank padded into the clearing, swaggering his way towards Kaylee. “You’d think that after a few more virtual years you’d have learned some manners from Mama Patil.”
Why second eldest? Are you counting Rattigan? He's not really a RIDE, though.
He stood up, leaving most of Vince’s carcass on the ground, and growled. “Get away from my girl.”
I believe we haven't been introduced to Vince by name yet, so it is a bit jarring that the Narrator starts to use his name out of nowhere. He introduces himself to Kaylee a little later (as Vinnie), and that seems like a natural place for us to learn his name.
When they arrived in the building that had seen use as a flier hangar before RIDE program, there were more testing platforms than ever before. They were mostly empty, and Hewer noted one appeared to be a rabbit. “A bunny? Really?”
Missing "the."
 :A few days and everyone can see me!: Kaylee confided nervously to her ride at the end of it.
She read them in seconds, for reference, before de-Fusing and heading for her recharge alcove to enter the VR-space where all Ris spent their downtime.
Dr. Patil’s family had somehow retained her Bangalore accent despite being on Zharus for at least a century.
Their. Or something different like "Dr. Patil had somehow retained her Bangalore accent despite her family being on Zharus for at least a century."

--Antimatter (talk) 00:03, 29 February 2016 (CST)