User talk:Robotech Master/The Crew

Comments on the DC

so they could set up a triage that would return the most least-damaged RIDEs to life based on the supplies they had.

I get what you're saying here but I think it would say the same thing while being a lot less awkward if you took out "least-damaged," leaving "return the most RIDEs to life based on the supplies they had."

We can add real micromanipulator waldos, not these pointless tweezers.”

“Also, we’re gonna need to kit him out with some micromanipulator waldoes so we can get into hard-to-reach spots for repairs.”

Two different spellings. A quick Google found both spellings in use, so I'm not sure which is more correct. I think I saw "waldoes" in one of your previous chapters, but I can't remember which. Personally I think "waldos" looks better.

Linda waved a hand. “Hey, comm RIDE here? You want to light up a bird, we’re your girl.”

Might work better with an exclamation point instead of a question mark.

“Yeeeeees. Or at least you think you are. But I also know the truth you aren’t telling yourself.”

LindaGirl blinked. “What truth is that?”

“That you reeeeeally kinda like it when I’m nasty to you.”

LindaGirl cocked her head. “I thought that…kinda goes without saying?”

I'm really glad you added this chat and the safeword thing. The only problem is, earlier in the chapter she does say it, at least twice:

“No, no, it’s alright, really!” LindaGirl said. She giggled, nervously. “I actually kinda like it.”

“That…might be too much information,” Paul said. “Anyway…um…right. Assistant. Let me get you kitted out with nanolathe gear, and I’ll show you what to do for this one…”

And:

“I’ll make you a deal. You help me get my degree…in RIDE Technology, I just made up my mind…and you can have me for the rest of my life.” LindaGirl grinned. “You’re not a bad person. You’ve been mistreated by humans, I can understand that. You need to be the one in charge. Well, okay, I’ll let you be. Apart from the forced Fuse thing, and not even letting me show my face, you’ve been really nice to me.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And to be honest, I actually kinda liked it when you were nasty.”

Personally I like the way they deal with it in the new scene, so I might find a way to take out LindaGirl's explicit mentioning that she likes it in the earlier scenes.

“Whenever we can get an anon connection, Lilli, sure,” he replied.

"Anon" is a little odd here, since it doesn't really relate to whether or not they can get a connection. He could just say "Whenever we can get a connection."

“Okay,” AlphaWolf finally said to Paul, Fenris, and the Lindas in private. “There really isn’t much we can do about the poor beings trapped by that trojan—RIDE and human. For now I want to focus on whoever created the thing. Shelley gave us some tools we can use to dissect the code. With any luck the creator was sloppy enough to leave some signs—I’m making tracking this criminal down our top priority. Also, get in touch with Shelley herself for advice on getting these people out and the RIDEs cured. If she can’t come out here herself maybe she knows someone who can help these poor souls.”

It seems odd that AlphaWolf is calling Rochelle "Shelly" since he really doesn't know her. Even Paul calls her Rochelle right after this.

--Antimatter (talk) 20:57, 28 February 2016 (CST)